The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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