hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
