I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So. Much. Porn.
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