shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
