i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
