I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
