remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
