Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
