don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
