I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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