At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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