I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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