I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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