i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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