She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
