The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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