Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this will be a night to untag.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
