Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
