I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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