I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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