I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
