he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
