I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
