a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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