She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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