A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
