My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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