Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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