remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
