By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
