my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
