Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you had me at cake vodka
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
