I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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