I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
