Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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