out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
