Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
God I need to hump something, right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
