Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
