I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
