im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In the future we'll all be gay
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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