there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
