Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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