I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
