I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
