my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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