I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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