From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
