she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
