He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
