somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
