I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
