She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
