I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
