That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
