best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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