dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Small penises have feelings too.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
