I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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