I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
