you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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