One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
