He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
