I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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