I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
