I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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