it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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