your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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