there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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