if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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