I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
