k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
